Hollywood, the magical realm of dreams and blockbusters, also has a penchant for remakes. While revisiting beloved stories can be enchanting, offering fresh perspectives and updated effects, some remakes unfortunately become spectacular failures, concepts best left locked away in the cinematic vault.
We’re not just talking about movies that were merely ‘bad’ here. Oh no, dear reader, we’re diving headfirst into the abyss of ‘worst.’ These are the films that critics scorned, audiences collectively groaned at, and, in some cases, directors might still be having nightmares about. They’re the reboots that didn’t just stumble; they face-planted dramatically on the red carpet of critical judgment, earning scores well below 30% on the Tomatometer. It’s a harsh reality, but sometimes, a second bite at the apple just leaves a profoundly bitter taste.
So, buckle up, grab your popcorn (or maybe a strong anti-nausea medication), because we’re about to embark on a thrilling, cringe-inducing journey through the first half of our infamous list. We’ll explore what makes these particular remakes so truly terrible, from their baffling creative choices to their utterly forgettable performances, all while keeping that signature BuzzFeed spirit of informational fun. Get ready to wonder how these even made it past the script stage, let alone onto the big screen!
1. **One Missed Call (2008)**
When it comes to the vast and often perplexing world of J-horror remakes, there’s a certain expectation for chilling atmosphere, psychological tension, and genuinely disturbing scares. Then there’s *One Missed Call*, which, according to the Critics Consensus, is “one of the weakest entries in the J-horror remake sweepstakes.” This movie didn’t just miss the mark; it didn’t even make it to the starting line, landing a staggering 0% on the Tomatometer with an audience score of just 29%. It’s like calling up a ghost and getting voicemail for eternity.
The original Japanese film’s suspenseful setup, where Beth Raymond witnesses her friends’ deaths and senses something more sinister, was compelling. However, the remake faltered, undone by bland performances and predictable scares that robbed it of any genuine horror, leaving audiences bored rather than terrified.
Imagine a horror movie where the protagonists are as engaging as a dial tone and the scares feel recycled from a dusty old VHS tape. That’s the tragic reality of *One Missed Call*. The mystery of the deaths and the sinister phone calls, which should have been terrifying, instead became tedious. It’s a prime example of how translating a concept across cultures without understanding its original appeal can lead to a cinematic dud that even a ghost wouldn’t want to watch again.
2. **Cabin Fever (2016)**
Remakes of modern horror classics are always a gamble, but *Cabin Fever* (2016) proves that sometimes, the house always wins… and the audience loses. This film earned a chilling 0% on the Tomatometer and a dismal 12% audience score, making it a truly unenviable entry on our list. The Critics Consensus didn’t mince words, declaring, “No need for a quarantine — enthusiasm for this inert remake is not contagious.” Ouch! A flesh-eating virus movie that isn’t contagious? That’s quite an achievement in failing.
The synopsis sounds like classic horror gold: “Fresh out of college, five friends (Nadine Crocker, Matthew Daddario, Samuel Davis) face the horrors of a flesh-eating virus.” This is the kind of setup that promises visceral terror, desperate survival, and gruesome body horror. Yet, critics found the remake “inert,” a descriptor that implies a complete lack of energy, excitement, or impact. How does one make a flesh-eating virus *inert*? It’s a question that plagues us still.
The original *Cabin Fever* blended gross-out horror with dark humor, creating a unique experience. The remake, sadly, stripped away its compelling elements, resulting in a hollow shell that failed to ignite any ‘contagious’ enthusiasm, proving it was a profound failure to connect with its audience.
3. **Kite (2014)**
Sometimes, a movie is so universally panned that it achieves a unique kind of infamy. *Kite* (2014) is one such film, gracing our list with a 0% Tomatometer score and a 19% audience approval. What’s even more telling is its Critics Consensus: “No consensus yet.” For a film to score a zero percent, yet have ‘no consensus,’ suggests that critics might have been so collectively baffled they couldn’t even agree on *how* to lambast it. Or perhaps, they simply had no words to describe its utter lack of redeeming qualities.
The synopsis sets up an intriguing, albeit dark, premise: “With the help of her father’s ex-partner (Samuel L. Jackson) and a friend (Callan McAuliffe) from her past, an orphaned” girl seeks justice. Samuel L. Jackson is a powerhouse, a name that usually lends a certain gravitas, even to questionable projects. The idea of an orphaned protagonist seeking vengeance with the help of a seasoned veteran and a mysterious friend sounds like the blueprint for a gritty action thriller.
Yet, despite these potentially compelling elements, *Kite* soared straight into the ground. The “no consensus yet” is a sarcastic, brutal summary for a film that fails to ignite any debate because its badness is so self-evident. It’s a silent condemnation, implying that the movie was so devoid of any artistic merit or coherent storytelling that critics couldn’t even formulate a point of contention. It simply existed, and then it was collectively ignored or dismissed, a true sign of a remake that should have remained an untold story.
4. **Rollerball (2002)**
When you remake a cult classic, especially one with a strong social commentary, you’re already playing a dangerous game. *Rollerball* (2002) didn’t just lose; it crashed and burned spectacularly, scoring a meager 3% on the Tomatometer and a 14% audience score. The Critics Consensus delivered a brutal assessment: “Removing the social critique of the original, this updated version of *Rollerball* is violent, confusing, and choppy. Klein makes for a bland hero.” This film’s failure was so profound that it was even noted in our introduction that “Die Hard director John McTiernan virtually killed his career with the *Rollerball* reboot.” Talk about a career-ender!
The original *Rollerball* was more than just a violent sport; it was a scathing satire on corporate greed and sensationalism. The remake, however, apparently stripped away this vital layer, leaving behind a husk of “violent, confusing, and choppy” action. Imagine the disappointment of fans hoping for a thoughtful update, only to receive a nonsensical barrage of uninspired chaos. It’s like watching a high-speed chase with no destination and an engine that sputters out after five minutes.
Further compounding its woes was the casting of Chris Klein as the lead, Jonathan, described by critics as a “bland hero.” In a film centered around “the fastest and most extreme sport of all time,” you need a protagonist who can anchor the madness, someone with charisma and intensity. Klein’s portrayal apparently fell short, leaving audiences with little to root for amidst the confused violence. It’s a stark reminder that simply amping up the action without a compelling story or character arc is a recipe for disaster.
5. **Flatliners (2017)**
The concept of exploring the afterlife, even just for a few minutes, is undeniably captivating. The original *Flatliners* tackled this with a mix of supernatural thrills and ethical dilemmas. Its 2017 remake, however, managed to drain all the life out of this intriguing premise, resulting in a dire 4% Tomatometer score and a 31% audience approval. The Critics Consensus truly summed it up: “*Flatliners* falls flat as a horror movie and fails to improve upon its source material, rendering this reboot dead on arrival.” The puns almost write themselves when a movie fails this spectacularly!
The film’s core idea—”Five medical students embark on a daring and dangerous experiment to gain insight into the mystery of what lies beyond” death—is inherently fascinating. Who wouldn’t be curious about what happens after you flatline? Yet, the remake couldn’t capitalize on this, instead delivering a horror experience that was neither scary nor insightful. When you set out to re-explore such a profound concept, merely existing isn’t enough; you need to bring something new or, at the very least, execute the original concept flawlessly.
The critical phrase “fails to improve upon its source material” is a harsh but accurate condemnation for any remake. Why bother re-telling a story if you can’t make it better, or at least as good? *Flatliners* stumbled where it needed to soar, delivering a lifeless rendition of a tale that inherently deals with life, death, and the great unknown. It’s a classic case of taking a good idea, putting it on life support, and then pulling the plug prematurely.
6. **The Fog (2005)**
John Carpenter’s *The Fog* is a quintessential horror film, known for its creeping dread and atmospheric tension. Its 2005 remake, however, rolled in like a thick, unwelcome mist and failed to leave any lasting impression beyond critical disdain. With a dismal 4% on the Tomatometer and a 19% audience score, it earned its spot on this list. The Critics Consensus was almost apologetic in its harshness: “*The Fog* is a so-so remake of a so-so movie, lacking scares, suspense or originality.” When critics are calling your remake of a “so-so” original “so-so,” you know you’ve got problems.
The premise of a coastal town, Antonio Bay, haunted by a supernatural fog born from a bloody past (where “the town’s founders get their money by murdering”) is pure horror fodder. It’s got history, revenge, and a palpable sense of danger. So, how could a film with such fertile ground end up “lacking scares, suspense or originality”? It seems the filmmakers mistook atmosphere for actual content, or perhaps simply didn’t understand what made the original’s atmosphere so effective.
A horror movie that fails to deliver on “scares, suspense or originality” is, frankly, just a movie. It doesn’t fulfill its genre’s primary purpose. The fact that it’s a remake makes this failure even more pronounced, as it had a blueprint to follow. Instead of building upon the original’s foundations, the remake seems to have just… wandered off into the fog, leaving audiences completely unmoved and un-frightened. It’s a clear demonstration that throwing money at a concept doesn’t automatically make it terrifying.
7. **Jacob’s Ladder (2019)**
Some films are so unique, so singular in their vision, that attempting a remake feels almost sacrilegious. *Jacob’s Ladder* (1990) is one such film, a psychological horror masterpiece that delves into trauma, hallucination, and the blurred lines of reality. The 2019 remake, alas, dared to tread where it clearly shouldn’t have, resulting in a paltry 4% Tomatometer score and a 33% audience approval. The Critics Consensus articulated the collective disappointment perfectly: “A needless remake that quickly loses sight of the themes that elevated the original, this is a *Jacob’s Ladder* that leads straight to nowhere.”
The original narrative follows Jacob Singer, a Vietnam veteran, through a nightmarish descent into disturbing visions. The remake updates this to “After losing his brother in combat, Jacob Singer returns home from Afghanistan — only to be pulled into a mind-twisting” ordeal. While the setting changed, the core idea of a traumatized veteran grappling with reality remained. Yet, this updated version was critically lambasted for being a “needless remake,” a polite way of saying ‘why does this even exist?’
The most damning indictment, however, is that it “quickly loses sight of the themes that elevated the original.” The strength of the first *Jacob’s Ladder* lay in its profound exploration of grief, war trauma, and existential dread. To jettison these powerful themes in favor of… whatever the remake offered, is a fundamental misstep. It turned a profound psychological journey into a confused mess, leaving audiences feeling like they were lost in a labyrinth with no way out, just like Jacob, but without any of the compelling philosophical questions. This version truly did lead “straight to nowhere,” making it a remake that never should have climbed out of obscurity.”
Alright, so we’ve cringed our way through the first batch of cinematic head-scratchers, those remakes that truly embodied the phrase ‘from bad to worse’ and cemented their place in the Hall of Shame. But hold onto your hats (and your remote controls), because we’re not done yet! Hollywood’s penchant for rehashing proven concepts often leads to more than just mediocrity; it delivers outright catastrophes that make you wonder, ‘Who asked for this?’
Now, we’re diving deeper into the notorious depths of the film industry’s most ill-conceived reboots. We’ll unpack the profound critical rejections, dissect the specific narrative missteps that turned potential gold into cinematic pyrite, and, frankly, mourn their lasting legacy as utterly unnecessary additions to the world of cinema. Get ready for more baffling decisions and unforgettable failures that should have remained firmly locked in the vault.
So, there you have it: 7 examples of why Hollywood should sometimes step away from the reboot button and appreciate perfection. Hopefully, future filmmakers will learn from these mistakes and deliver fresh, exciting stories instead of more unnecessary trips to the remake vault.
