My parents were in their late 60s by the time I finished high school, and if you’d asked me then, or even now, I’d tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, that older parents truly do make the best cheerleaders. There’s something uniquely powerful about the wisdom, the patience, and the unwavering dedication that comes with having parents who have lived a little more life before embarking on the grand adventure of child-rearing. They weren’t just sideline spectators; they were active, invested coaches, guiding me with a steady hand and an open heart.
This isn’t just a nostalgic personal reflection, though. It’s a story that’s becoming increasingly common across the globe, part of what researchers have termed the ‘postponement transition.’ If you look at the numbers, the average age of first-time parents is on the rise. In the UK, for example, first-time mothers saw their average age climb from 27.7 years in 2010 to 29.1 years in 2020, and fathers are following a similar trajectory. This trend isn’t confined to one region; it’s a global phenomenon, playing out from the USA to continental Europe and across the Asia Pacific.
So, what’s behind this widespread shift? Experts point to a mix of factors: evolving economic opportunities and pressures, changing patterns in education and marriage, and the incredible advancements in medically assisted reproduction (MAR) technologies. These are all significant drivers, shaping how and when people choose to start their families. But beyond the demographics and the broad societal explanations, what does this postponement actually mean for the individuals involved? What are the real-world experiences and outcomes for families headed by older parents, especially for us, the kids who grew up in them?
For many of us, myself included, growing up with older parents wasn’t about navigating a perceived disadvantage; it felt like a secret superpower. The context I experienced, and what research now often validates, suggests that these parents often embraced sometimes unconventional strategies. These weren’t necessarily revolutionary new parenting manuals, but rather a deeply ingrained set of values and behaviors that prioritized curiosity, fostered a genuine love for learning, and meticulously built emotional intelligence over blindly chasing societal expectations like straight-A grades or sports trophies. It was about shaping confident, emotionally secure individuals deeply connected to themselves and the world.
One of the most profound lessons I witnessed and benefited from was my parents’ commitment to ‘working on themselves.’ They understood that their own behavior was a powerful blueprint for my resilience. Instead of constantly fixating on how I reacted to life’s inevitable bumps and challenges, they focused inwards. They modeled mental and emotional strength by being incredibly mindful of how they managed their own stress, particularly when I was watching. This wasn’t about hiding their struggles, but about demonstrating healthy coping mechanisms, showing me that it’s okay to feel, and more importantly, it’s possible to navigate those feelings with grace and strength. This unwavering self-awareness made them incredibly stable cheerleaders, always present and grounded, providing a secure base from which I could explore and grow.
Another unique approach I observed, which many successful parents, including older ones, seem to adopt, was their thoughtful use of praise. They ‘refrained from always saying ‘good job!” While those words are well-meaning, they recognized that constant external validation can inadvertently create a reliance on approval from others. Instead, they encouraged reflection, asking questions like, ‘you should be so proud of yourself’ or ‘you worked very hard on this — how does it feel?’ This simple shift fostered intrinsic motivation. It taught me to take pride in my own achievements, to truly understand the effort and satisfaction that came from within, rather than waiting for an external pat on the back. It cultivated a self-driven cheerleader within me, which is an invaluable gift.
At the heart of their approach was an undeniable focus on our relationship. Through countless hours of quality time, whether it was quiet evenings spent reading together or animated conversations during shared experiences, they made me feel truly valued, safe, and understood. This wasn’t a passive presence; it was active listening, genuine engagement. This kind of deep connection fostered my confidence to take risks, knowing I had a secure emotional net. It empowered me to try new things, knowing that even if I stumbled, their belief in me remained unshaken. This solid foundation is precisely what makes a cheerleader so effective: knowing someone is in your corner, truly seeing you, and supporting your journey.
My parents also championed learning through life’s natural rhythms, ‘they didn’t punish their kids.’ They understood that punishment, while sometimes a knee-jerk reaction, often builds resentment and disconnection, failing to teach lasting skills. Instead, they skillfully let natural consequences do the teaching. For instance, if I forgot to do my homework, I faced the responsibility of explaining it to my teacher. This wasn’t about shaming; it was a chance to learn responsibility, problem-solving, and accountability firsthand. This approach was a masterclass in resilience, teaching me to own my actions and navigate their outcomes, preparing me for the real world far more effectively than any imposed penalty ever could. It’s like a cheerleader who lets you fall, but is there to help you reflect and learn how to get back up stronger.
In a world often obsessed with grades and accolades, my parents ‘didn’t reward academic achievement’ in the traditional sense. Instead of dangling incentives for good grades, their entire focus was on cultivating a genuine, undeniable love for learning. Whether I aced a test or struggled with a difficult subject, the conversation always centered on growth. They made it crystal clear that my grades didn’t define my worth as a person. This shifted the pressure from performance to passion, allowing me to explore subjects out of genuine curiosity, not just for a mark. This environment fostered a love for knowledge that continues to fuel me today, a true testament to their long-game cheerleading strategy.
Coupled with this, they ‘valued questions over answers.’ My home was a place where “why” and “how” were celebrated, never dismissed. They encouraged me to dig deeper, to probe beyond the surface, rather than simply accepting the “right” answer. This relentless encouragement of curiosity instilled in me the confidence to challenge the status quo, to think critically, and to seek understanding. These aren’t just academic skills; they are the key traits of future leaders and innovators. This approach demonstrated a profound belief in my intellectual capabilities, fueling my internal drive and making them intellectual cheerleaders in the truest sense.
One of the most endearing ways they built my self-esteem was by often ‘letting their kids teach them something.’ Whether it was patiently explaining a complex math problem I’d just mastered or passionately detailing the intricate rules of a new video game, these moments were pure gold. By stepping back and allowing me to take the lead, to be the expert, they showed immense respect for my abilities. It wasn’t about them pretending not to know; it was about honoring my knowledge and confidence. These interactions gave me a palpable sense of importance and competence, nurturing my self-esteem in a way that mere compliments never could. It was their way of saying, ‘We believe in you so much, we trust you to lead us.’
Naturally, ‘they made reading a daily habit.’ Reading was never presented as a chore; it was an integral, joyful part of our daily rhythm. Whether it was the comfort of picture books before bedtime, the shared adventure of novels on lazy weekend afternoons, or simply seeing them engrossed in their own books, reading became a natural and utterly enjoyable part of my world. This immersion fostered creativity, expanded my imagination, and instilled a lifelong love for learning. It was a subtle, yet powerful, form of cheerleading, opening doors to endless worlds and possibilities.
And finally, though the detailed context is brief on this specific point, it fits perfectly within their overall ethos: they taught me to embrace my emotions. This meant creating a safe space where all feelings were acknowledged and understood, not suppressed or judged. By modeling emotional intelligence and encouraging honest expression, they equipped me with the tools to navigate the complex landscape of human emotions. This holistic approach to my wellbeing ensured that I grew up not just smart or capable, but also genuinely connected to myself and my inner world, ready to face life with emotional resilience.
It’s clear that the ‘unconventional strategies’ employed by these successful parents, which often align with the wisdom and perspective gained with age, lead to profoundly positive outcomes. When we look to the broader research, the picture often reinforces these personal observations. While some older studies presented mixed findings, particularly regarding the psychological wellbeing of older parents themselves, more contemporary qualitative studies consistently ‘demonstrated overtly positive outcomes of parenting at an older age.’ Parents in recent studies reported feeling they had ‘more resources and commitment to dedicate to parenting than they would have had at a younger age.’ This makes perfect sense; with more life experience, perhaps a more established career, and a clearer sense of self, older parents often bring a level of stability and deliberate intention to parenthood that is simply harder to cultivate at a younger age.
Beyond personal resources, older parents also reported that being the parent of a young child ‘kept them feeling young.’ This reciprocal benefit extends to the social realm too, with some parents noting that ‘having relationships with younger parents had the benefit of keeping them more culturally relevant.’ This paints a picture of older parents as not only dedicated and resourceful but also vibrant and engaged, deeply woven into the fabric of contemporary life – qualities that make for truly dynamic cheerleaders.
The research on the quality of the parent-child relationship itself, while still a developing field, largely supports a protective effect of advanced maternal age. One Dutch cohort study, looking at thousands of mothers, found that ‘increased maternal age was related to less frequent use of verbal and physical sanctions with their child’ when children were in early to middle childhood. Think about that: a calmer, more measured approach to discipline, fostering a sense of security and trust rather than fear. This kind of nurturing environment builds strong, open lines of communication, essential for any effective cheerleader-athlete dynamic.
Furthermore, studies have linked older maternal age to ‘greater levels of maternal sensitivity’ when children were 10 years old. This heightened sensitivity, in turn, predicted ‘lower levels of child-perceived mother–child conflict’ as children entered adolescence. This isn’t just about avoiding conflict; it’s about a deeper understanding, an intuitive attunement to a child’s needs and feelings, which can only strengthen the bond and the effectiveness of a parent’s supportive role. It’s the kind of empathetic understanding that makes a cheerleader’s encouragement truly resonate.
And it’s not just mothers. The literature, though less extensive on fathers, suggests that men who become fathers at an older age are often ‘more highly involved in parenting’ than their younger counterparts. Some fathers reported that their older age made them ‘more dedicated parents’ and that it meant they had ‘developed better, more well-defined parenting values.’ This increased involvement and clarity of values means children benefit from two deeply committed, thoughtful cheerleaders. Plus, heteroual older mothers have been found to ‘share more parenting tasks with their partners when their children are infants,’ highlighting a balanced, team-oriented approach to raising children. These interpersonal processes associated with being an older parent seem to buffer any potential challenges, ensuring a robust and supportive family environment.
The positive outcomes extend to child adjustment, particularly concerning challenging behaviors. The literature regarding advanced maternal age and child externalizing problems – things like conduct issues or aggression – consistently points to ‘a consistent protective effect of advanced maternal age.’ Multiple cross-sectional and longitudinal studies have found ‘an association between increased maternal age at birth and a decreased risk of child externalizing behaviour problems, from the age of 4 through to adolescence.’ Imagine that: simply having an older mother can reduce the risk of a child developing these types of difficulties. One large Australian study even reported a ‘negative linear relationship between maternal age and offspring behaviour problems, such that increases in maternal age were related to decreases in offspring problem behaviours.’ This suggests a profound, stabilizing influence that older mothers bring to the family system, creating an environment where children thrive with fewer behavioral challenges.
