Dating is like walking into a jungle hopeful, a pinch of nervousness, and the possibility of a tiger lurking to pounce. I’ve had my fair share of cringeworthy dates, but some tales make my worst seem like a rom-com. When Reddit user captainmadrick asked, “What was the rest of the date like after you discovered a deal-breaker? ” The internet provided a treasure trove of dropt-jaw stories. These aren’t bad dates; they. re epic trainwrecks that’ll make you laugh, wince, and thank your lucky stars you didn’t show up.
From bathroom confessions to bank robbery fantasies, here’s a carefully curated list of 14 first dates that went so off the rails, they’re basically in another dimension.
1. The Bathroom Snap-Chat Debacle
Picture a leisurely sun-struck park walks, your smooth first date, when your date just exclaims, “I’m going to shit my pants.” That was u/Outrageous Doodle’s horror. The mad dash into a Starbucks restroom wasn’t the most terrible part no way. Huddled outside in wait, they received a Snap-Chat from within the stall, displaying far too much anatomy. I can only guess at the terror of opening up that snap. They called their dad to the rescue, high-tailing out of there.
Lesson learned: some confessions are best left unspoken, and unsnapped.
2. Strip Club Shenanigans
Online dating is a risk, and one Redditor won the jackpot of bizarre. Their date lied about his age, was newly divorced, and concluded a strip club 30 minutes away was just the ticket for a first-date destination. He creepily stroked her leg, called her his “sister” for agreeing to go, then drove back drunk, texting other women. I’d be clutching my phone, plotting an escape. His parting line? “I’m such a cool guy, you’ll call me, right?
” Nope.
This was a masterclass in red flags dishonesty, creepy vibes, and reckless behavior.
3. The Drink-for-Favors Deal
Imagine this: you’re at a bar, eager for a first date, and before you even get a sip of your cocktail, the date tells you that he won’t buy it unless you sleep with him. That’s the bombshell u/eltas13 received. I’d be stunned indecent audacity! She smartly turned him down, rushed to the bathroom to hatch her escape, and confronted him as she left.
He still attempted to walk her to her car.
This tale shouts the value of heeding your intuition when a person reveals their true colors sooner rather than later.
4. The Mommy Dom Misstep
Dating apps promise connection, but u/RegularBitter3482 got a curveball. Meeting a guy for pool, everything seemed normal until he launched into a sub/dom role play, casting her as his “mommy dom” without warning or consent. I’m all for open-mindedness, but springing that on a first date? Nope. She cleverly told him to “wait like a good boy” while she “took a smoke break,” then blocked him. Consent and communication are non-negotiable, folks.
5. The Anger Management Confession
After four good dates, a Redditor’s fifth with a Match.com man went south. Quiet on a drive along Venice Beach, he finally revealed he’d been in court-ordered anger management for nearly choking his ex to death. My stomach would have plummeted. He was convinced he was “ready to date,” but she calmly told him to work on healing and deactivate his profile.
The “weird stupor” that followed was genuine, but she was lucky to get away without a scratch.
That’s why your intuition is your ultimate wingman.
6. The Kidnapping Scare
A Starbucks date for a college student went well until the date offered to keep going in his truck. Sweet enough until he took off down the highway while telling her to “prove what her mouth could do” and making himself naked. Learning he was a middle school resource officer made it that much scarier.
I can’t even imagine the fear of being stuck like that.
This reminder serves as a jolt to be careful and have an escape plan, no matter how “normal” someone appears.
7. The Racist Revelation
Beliefs are best left for the living room or not discussed at all. A Redditor’s Mormon date went on to say darker skin means “deeper sins,” which means he, a Latino, wouldn’t be able to make it into heaven unless his skin “became pure and white.” The slow, measured words as she figured out his ethnicity? Sinister. I’d have been out the door sooner than you could say “deal-breaker.” This date didn’t reach first base, and for a good reason bigotry has no business being in romance.
8. The Love-Bombing Lunatic
A pleasant dinner turned wild when a Redditor’s date started begging to come to her room, screaming, “I love you!” on the first date. I’d be sprinting to my building, heart pounding. The intensity was a neon sign to block and run. Love bombing on date one? That’s not passion; it’s a red flag waving like a flare. This story reminds us to beware of anyone moving at warp speed.
9. The Grocery Store Stalker
A dinner date took a turn when the Redditor’s date pushed her to convert to her religion. Politely declining didn’t help she spent the rest of the meal arguing why faith wasn’t her thing, while her date saw every word as a “sign.” Desperate, she claimed she needed to grocery shop. Unbelievably, her date followed her to the store. I’d be dodging aisles like a spy. Persistence is one thing; stalking is another.
10. The Secret Service Sidekick
Arriving at a first date with a friend sitting across from us at a nearby table? That’s what one Redditor had to go through. The friend glared like a “secret service agent,” suffocating any potential for genuine connection. I’d be so self-conscious, I’d feel like I was on a reality show, not on a date. A month later, a text apology arrived, but the skeezy atmosphere was indelible. Pro tip: dates are for two, not for a spy team.
11. The Monologue Marathon
Some people talk a lot, but this blind date took it to another level. The guy never stopped, never asked a question, leaving the Redditor mentally humming songs to survive. A second-chance phone call was no better she fell asleep for 15 minutes, and he was still talking. I’m laughing just imagining it. Silence is golden, but so is mutual conversation.
12. The Bank Robber Fantasy
A date casually mentioning bank robbery as a family activity? That’s what one Redditor got, complete with promises of mom’s cookies. When she tried to leave, he grabbed her hand, attempted a kiss, then stormed off with “massive calves” stealing the show. I’d be torn between laughing and running. Dreams of crime sprees are a hard pass, no matter how good the baked goods sound.
13. The Ex-Obsessed Study Date
A university student’s app date became a therapy session for his former roommates one his current roommate, another one that came before. The melodrama? Apartment-eviction levels. Afterwards, he dragged her to an arboretum for an extra credit project. She tolerated it, believing he needed to complain. I do not blame her for being patient, but a date should not be used as a therapy session or homework assistance. Surviving the Dating Jungle They are crazier than any rom-com plot, from bathroom selfies to bank robbery fantasies. They are a reminder that dating is a risk sometimes you get a chuckle, sometimes a lesson, and sometimes a story you’ll be telling for the rest of your life. I’ve had my share of dating disasters, but not this magnitude. Trust your instincts, establish boundaries, and perhaps have a friend on speed dial.What’s your craziest date story? Share it, because in this jungle, we’re all just trying to survive with a good tale to tell.
