Gather ’round, folks, and let’s talk about the scariest stories we tell – not about ghosts, but about the wild, unpredictable world of dating apps! These are the tales that send shivers down your spine, the kind that make actual goosebumps appear, proving that sometimes, real life is scarier than fiction.
If you’re truly looking for tales of horror, you don’t even have to dip your toes into the world of the supernatural anymore. Nope, you can just open up your Hinge or Tinder or whatever other frightening dating app you have lingering on your phone and read off some of the messages that have been sent your way. It seems like the men of the world — and sometimes, let’s be real, people of all genders — have absolutely lost their collective minds, making interactions go from annoying to downright shockingly awful. And it’s not just a personal experience; women everywhere have been sharing some truly hair-raising conversations that are getting terrifying.
So, buckle up as we dive headfirst into some of the most outrageous, cringe-worthy, and utterly baffling dating app disasters. These stories will have you shaking your head, maybe contemplating a break from your phone, and definitely questioning your choices. We asked people to share the spookiest things men have said or done – completely unprompted! You think you’re ready, but trust us, this wild ride is about to begin.
1. **Unsolicited Creepy/Gross Messages**
Let’s kick things off with a category that truly sends shivers down your spine: the unsolicited, often explicit, and always incredibly gross opening lines that land in your inbox. Seriously, what possesses someone to send these? It’s a baffling display of a complete lack of social awareness and, frankly, common decency. These aren’t even pickup lines; they’re more like instant uninstall prompts.
Take, for instance, the message Jessica, 27, received: “I would suck your dad’s *eggplant emoji* just to get an idea of what you taste like.” Yes, you read that correctly. Our collective response? “I truly have no words. JAIL.” It’s so far beyond inappropriate that it transcends simple offense and enters the realm of pure, unadulterated shock. Who thinks this is an acceptable way to initiate a conversation?
Then there’s Liza, 31, who got hit with, “The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.” This one is just… gross. And, as the original reaction noted, “1. Gross. 2. Super gross. 3. JAIL.” It’s a racialized comment that’s not only incredibly uncomfortable but also just plain tacky. Mary, 28, simply wanted to know what happened to “hello” or “how are you” after receiving the charming opener, “I want your kitty.” We echo her sentiments entirely.
And let’s not forget Hannah, 26, whose self-esteem was surely boosted by, “You have -sucking lips.” Ah, yes, what every woman wants to hear from a complete stranger on a dating app. The audacity! Jenna, 25, got, “Small booties for the win *three heart-eye emojis*.” While this might seem like an attempt at a compliment, it still feels incredibly objectifying and uncalled for. How dare you, indeed?
Sarah, 33, faced the hypothetical yet terrifying, “I’d impregnate you hypothetically.” To which, she aptly thought, “And I’ll call the cops literally.” And finally, Carlotta, 27, was informed, “I’m legally obligated to inform you I’m a munch.” Her immediate, and entirely justified, thought? “I’m legally obligated to send you to JAIL.” These messages aren’t just bad; they’re reasons to delete the app and maybe even reconsider humanity.
2. **The Google Doc/Job Application Approach**
Just when you think you’ve seen it all, someone comes along and reinvents the wheel of bad dating app strategies. We’re talking about a man who, despite having good initial conversation on Hinge, decided to deploy a “creative” approach that backfired spectacularly. Instead of continuing a normal chat, he hit Cassandra with a multi-page Google Doc that he had prepared for women. Yes, you read that correctly: a multi-page Google Doc.
This wasn’t just a quirky bio; it felt like a dating application form. The document was written in narrative form, with phrases that seemed optimized for SEO keywords, as if he were trying to game the system for women searching for elaborate online dating profiles. Imagine receiving an inquiry like, “Ever been married?”, followed by the answer, “no.” Or for children, “I find myself teetering on the fence with this one…” And the truly poetic, “Where do I call home?” you might ask. To be quite frank, I “find boxes restrictive.” Who talks like that? As the context aptly suggests, “AI bots, perhaps.”
While some elite dating apps, like Raya, require a full application, this guy was sending his through Hinge, making it utterly bizarre. His Google Doc even listed cities he found overrated (Atlanta), cities he disliked (Frankfurt), and a city he “secretly” liked (Bangkok). Why does that need to be a secret, especially when, with Bali, Indonesia, it’s “like the most popular city in Southeast Asia for Americans”? It was a self-important, over-the-top presentation that completely missed the mark for genuine connection.
His lengthy document outlined clear dealbreakers, like ‘Multiple baby mamas,’ ‘Smoking,’ ‘Laziness,’ ‘Constant lateness,’ and being a ‘bad kisser.’ To add to the absurdity, he listed his social media handles, stating that a lack of contact there would mean their paths ‘weren’t meant to cross.’ It felt less like an invitation to connect and more like a unilateral decree for dating, completely overshadowing Cassandra’s appreciation for efficiency with a major turn-off.
When Cassandra responded on the app, telling him she preferred getting to know someone the old-fashioned way, he simply unmatched her the next day without responding. The irony is, he seemed like a great guy on paper—smart, successful, interesting, well-traveled, and wanting to help the world. But instead of sharing that through conversation, he chose a Google Doc. Sometimes, creativity is not your friend, especially when it comes off as a job application for your heart.
3. **The Spreadsheet Guy**
If you thought the guy with the Google Doc was intense, meet his eerily similar, perhaps even creepier, counterpart: The Spreadsheet Guy. This individual, as one of Cassandra’s friends discovered, elevated data organization in dating to an unsettling new level by creating an extensive spreadsheet detailing everyone he had dated or was currently seeing. Imagine, a literal spreadsheet documenting someone’s entire love life – it’s a bit much, don’t you think?
This wasn’t just a mental note or a quick journal entry; this was a comprehensive database of human connection. The spreadsheet included everything from “thumbnail pictures of women” to their “likes and dislikes.” Imagine having your face and preferences logged into someone’s personal dating archive. It’s the kind of thing that makes you question if you’re dating a human or a highly organized, slightly terrifying, data analyst.
But it didn’t stop there. The Spreadsheet Guy meticulously recorded each woman’s “pros and cons (in his opinion),” the “number of dates they’d had,” and whether those dates were “via Zoom or in person.” He even added “other additional notes about the woman.” This level of detail isn’t just concerning; it’s a profound violation of privacy and a dehumanizing approach to relationships. You’re not a person to him; you’re an entry in a ledger.
It makes you wonder, what kind of relationship could possibly blossom from such a cold, analytical approach? While the Google Doc guy might have been trying to be ‘efficient,’ the Spreadsheet Guy feels more like a collector of experiences, rather than someone genuinely seeking a connection. The horror here lies not just in the action itself, but in the mindset it reveals. As the context pointedly notes, “I’d say that Google Doc Guy is less creepy than Spreadsheet Guy, but God help us if those were the only two options out there.” Indeed, God help us all.
4. **Misleading or Incomplete Profiles**
Your dating app profile is your virtual first impression, your billboard in the vast digital dating landscape. Yet, it seems many men (and, frankly, women too, but the focus here is on guys) treat it like an afterthought, leading to some truly frustrating experiences. A bad profile isn’t just annoying; it’s a disservice to everyone involved and a quick way to get swiped left on.
One common blunder is including “too many people in your pictures.” As the context explains, this causes women to “spend too much time trying to figure out which one you are, so they’ll just move to the next person.” It’s a basic rule of profile etiquette: make yourself identifiable! We’re trying to find *you*, not play a game of ‘Where’s Waldo?’ with your friend group.
Then there are the “old and inaccurate photos.” It’s fine to highlight your best angles, but using pictures that “don’t look anything like how you now look usually leads to a disappointed date who won’t want to see you again.” You’re doing a disservice to yourself by presenting an outdated version of yourself. Honesty is the best policy, and nobody likes to feel catfished, even subtly. It ruins the potential for a second date before the first one even begins.
“One-dimensional profiles” are another culprit. Even if you’re an Olympic swimmer, having every picture of you in a pool makes it seem like you won’t have “anything else to talk about.” A profile should showcase your various interests, hobbies, and characteristics, demonstrating a well-rounded personality. And let’s not forget “incomplete profiles”—the classic “ask me anything” brigade. The whole purpose of a dating profile is to present yourself, so if it’s otherwise empty, “few women are going to take the time to see if you’re worth talking to (unless you look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, that is).” High effort gets high reward, folks; low effort gets the swipe of death.
5. **Excessive Small Talk & Lack of Substance**
Once you’ve actually managed to match with someone, the conversation begins! Or, at least, it’s supposed to. Unfortunately, a pervasive problem on dating apps is the endless, excruciating cycle of small talk that goes absolutely nowhere. It’s like being stuck in a conversational purgatory, forever asking and answering the same bland pleasantries.
Why do so many guys (and women, let’s be fair) spend so much time with “Hi!”, “How are you?”, “How’s your day going?” pleasantries? While politeness is appreciated, after the first few exchanges, it starts to feel less like genuine curiosity and more like a never-ending loop of conversational filler. It quickly drains the excitement and the potential for a real connection.
If you want to move past the superficial, the advice is clear: get this small talk out of the way in a single text and then “move on to something more substantial that shows you’re interested in getting to know the person.” The goal is to spark engagement, not to conduct a daily weather report. It’s about showing you’re actually invested in learning about the person, not just checking a box.
Questions can be simple and yet still be far more engaging. “How did you spend your weekend?” or “Is there anything you’re looking forward to this summer?” are fantastic starting points. You don’t have to be Shakespeare to learn about someone, but you do need to put in a little more thought than a generic greeting. Breaking free from the small talk trap is essential for any hope of a meaningful interaction, otherwise, it’s just another reason to tap that uninstall button.
6. **Condescending Attitudes & Wasting Time**
There’s nothing quite like a condescending attitude to signal the end of any potential romantic interest, especially when it implies your time is less valuable than theirs. This particular red flag often appears in various ways, turning dating app interactions into something resembling an unwanted job interview with an overly self-important interviewer.
Take the gentleman who initially seemed promising to Cassandra. After a good initial chat on Hinge, he wanted to arrange a call before meeting in person. Reasonable, right? Until he dropped the bombshell: he just didn’t “have the liberty of wasting time.” Wow, bro. As Cassandra aptly put it, “Same. And f*** you for implying that going on a date with me would be a waste of time.” It’s the ultimate condescension, assuming the other person’s efforts are inherently less important.
He then tried to soften it, claiming he’d let her get to know him a bit so *she* wouldn’t be wasting her time. But the damage was done. This kind of rhetoric instantly creates an uneven power dynamic and signals a lack of respect. It suggests that he’s doing you a favor by considering you, rather than entering a mutual exchange where both parties are investing their time and energy.
Another infuriating example of condescension and gaslighting came from a conversation one woman had after a few days of chatting. When asked why she was single, she explained her life became a complete disaster due to the pandemic. The man cut her off and kept asking “what pandemic I was speaking of, pretending COVID-19 didn’t happen at all.” It felt incredibly belittling and manipulative, making her feel gaslighted into thinking she made it all up. This wasn’t just a bad date; it was an infuriating assault on her reality, an immediate and absolute dealbreaker that ended the call abruptly. These are the kinds of interactions that make you want to throw your phone across the room, not plan a second date.
7. **Unwanted Physical Advances/Assaults of Personal Space**
While many dating app disasters revolve around awkward conversations or mismatched expectations, some experiences cross a far more serious line, venturing into the realm of truly unsettling and predatory behavior. These aren’t just bad dates; they’re alarming assaults on personal space and safety that leave you feeling violated and desperate to escape.
One woman shared a story that will make your skin crawl. After what she described as a “nice date,” the man walked her to her car. She wasn’t planning on a goodbye kiss because there was no chemistry, but he had other ideas. “He then licked my face.” Let that sink in for a moment. Licked. Her. Face. Her immediate, and entirely understandable, reaction was to get “into a car and out of a parking lot so fast.” This isn’t just an unwanted advance; it’s a bizarre, shocking violation that leaves a deeply uncomfortable impression and a lasting sense of disgust.
Another harrowing tale came from an arcade date. After drinks, the woman told her date she liked competition, so he should give her his best. He started to get irritated when she would win, clearly a sore loser. After trying to lighten the mood, he suggested air hockey, which she also won. He got angry, said, “This is boring anyway,” and took her back to his place. Once there, he “immediately tried getting me into bed.” When she turned him down and said she wanted to go home, “He got angry and said, ‘This is the least you could do for me!'”
This is where a bad date escalates into something far more dangerous. Trapped and feeling unsafe, she “locked myself in his bathroom and called my best friend to pick me up,” refusing to come out until her friend was at the front door. These incidents highlight the very real dangers that can lurk on dating apps and how quickly a seemingly normal interaction can devolve into a terrifying situation. They are stark reminders that some behaviors aren’t just red flags; they are screaming sirens, urging you to uninstall, block, and run as fast as you can. No date is worth compromising your safety or emotional well-being, and these stories are a stark illustration of why many feel burnt out and disillusioned by the app experience.
Alright, so Section 1 probably had you clutching your pearls and rethinking your entire dating history, right? If you thought those stories were wild, buckle up, buttercup, because we’re diving even deeper into the abyss of unbelievable dating app and in-person date disasters. These aren’t just minor missteps; we’re talking about full-blown, jaw-dropping, “did that really just happen?!” moments that make you want to throw your phone into the nearest body of water.
From appalling etiquette that makes you question humanity to controlling behaviors that scream “red flag alert” and shocking revelations that are instant dealbreakers, these tales are proof that sometimes, the digital dating world is truly a horror show. These are the experiences that cement the urge to hit that uninstall button faster than you can say “unmatched.” Prepare yourselves, because here are the next seven reasons why men (and women dealing with men) might just give up on dating apps for good!
8. **The ‘Roster’ Guy & Secret Polyamory**
Imagine this: you’ve had a great first date, the chemistry is flowing, and you’re feeling hopeful. Then, the next day, you’re chatting about a second meetup, and he drops a bombshell. Not only is he in a relationship, but his partner is monogamous, and he… isn’t. Yep, that’s what happened to one of our community members, cosmonautpuglifeo, who experienced a date disaster that escalated from promising to utterly bizarre in a single text exchange.
This guy, after a seemingly successful first date, had the audacity to suggest she come over to “see how the other half lives.” When the reality of his existing relationship came to light, it became clear he was operating on a completely different set of rules. It’s one thing to be openly polyamorous and upfront about your relationship style; it’s another thing entirely to spring it on someone after a first date, especially when your primary partner is in the dark. Talk about a curveball that nobody asked for.
But the weirdness didn’t stop there! The final straw came when he messaged her, demanding she ‘decide if [she] wanted to date or just be friends sooner rather than later because his ‘roster’ was filling up.’ A *roster*? Seriously? This isn’t a sports team, it’s supposed to be about genuine human connection! Such possessive and transactional language is a huge red flag, suggesting a problematic approach to dating and a disregard for others’ feelings.
9. **The Pandemic Denier & Gaslighter**
Have you ever had a conversation so infuriating it made you want to scream into the void? One woman, sassylegend40, experienced just that when she gave a guy her number after a few days of app chatting. During their first phone call, he asked why she was single. A reasonable question, right? She explained that her life had been a “complete disaster” due to the pandemic, which had consumed her time and energy, pushing dating to the back burner.
You’d think, in 2020 and beyond, everyone would understand the collective upheaval caused by COVID-19. But apparently, not this guy. He cut her off, repeatedly asking “what pandemic I was speaking of, pretending COVID-19 didn’t happen at all.” Can you even believe the audacity? This wasn’t just ignorance; it was a deliberate, manipulative attempt to gaslight her, making her question her own reality and experiences.
This behavior wasn’t just condescending; it was deeply unsettling, feeling like ‘an infuriating assault on her reality,’ as she described it. Who would want to date someone trying to convince them that a major global event never happened? This man’s bizarre denial and manipulative tactics were an immediate, non-negotiable dealbreaker, leading her to abruptly end the call, with him quickly hanging up. Some red flags aren’t just red; they’re blaring sirens.
10. **The Catfishing Chicken Date**
Online dating can sometimes feel like a game of ‘spot the fake profile,’ but what happens when the deception extends far beyond a few outdated photos? One anonymous community member found out the hard way after spending “many weeks having good phone calls” with a man she met on an app, even traveling to meet him. Her excitement quickly turned to dismay upon realizing his profile pictures were “10+ years old,” a classic catfishing move that immediately sets a sour tone.
The dating saga continued to unravel when it came time for their dinner date. Instead of a restaurant, he drove to a Mobil gas station and bought them both fried chicken. Yes, you read that right – a gas station meal for a first date! This wasn’t just poor etiquette; it was a bizarre, almost insulting lack of effort for a highly anticipated meeting, making the whole experience feel like a scene from a surreal comedy.
And just when you think it couldn’t get any weirder, she discovered his biggest secret: she only knew him by “the name God gave him in a dream rather than what his parents named him at birth!!” A name given in a dream? We are not making this nonsense up! Between the ancient photos, the gas station cuisine, and the divinely inspired alias, this date was a masterclass in how to immediately send someone running for the hills. Talk about an uninstall-worthy experience!
11. **The Bad Breath, Ditching Date**
Sometimes, it’s not the grand gestures or the shocking revelations that make a date a disaster; it’s the simple, fundamental lack of consideration and basic hygiene. One anonymous community member shared a truly off-putting movie date experience that will have you reaching for the mouthwash. She went to the movies with a guy, only for his buddy to join them, turning it into a very awkward, unwelcome trio.
Throughout the entire film, the two friends “talked the whole time,” completely ignoring her and ruining any chance of a pleasant experience. But the ultimate affront came from her date’s breath. It was “so bad that when he did talk to me, I gagged.” Seriously, a basic mint or a quick brush before a date isn’t too much to ask, is it? Good grief!
To make matters worse, he bought his own food from the concession stand (because sharing is apparently not caring) and then, as the credits rolled, he simply ‘walked out… leaving me standing there.’ No goodbye, no polite farewell, just a swift exit that left her bewildered. This date was a trifecta of bad manners, questionable hygiene, and outright rudeness, proving that sometimes the smallest details can be the biggest dealbreakers. Uninstalling the app after this seems like a completely sensible act of self-preservation.
12. **The Photoshop Stalker**
Online dating requires a certain level of trust, but what happens when that trust is completely obliterated by a disturbing display of digital manipulation? One woman, alissashu, found herself caught in a truly creepy situation before she met her now-husband. She had been chatting with a guy online for a couple of weeks, and while he seemed decent enough, she was hesitant to give him her phone number.
Her hesitation was well-founded, as he quickly started to exhibit “oddly clingy” and controlling behaviors, constantly questioning where she was going and who she was with. She rightfully pushed back, reminding him that he wasn’t her boyfriend and she wouldn’t tolerate such demands. This kind of red-flag behavior should have been the end of it, but this guy had one more unsettling trick up his sleeve.
One day, he sent her a message that chilled her to the bone: a picture of *his prom photo*, with *her head* from her profile picture digitally pasted over his date’s head. Imagine the horror! This wasn’t a cute, quirky gesture; it was a deeply invasive and stalker-ish act that screamed “danger.” Unsurprisingly, she “never talked to him again.” This bizarre, photoshopped declaration of creepiness is exactly the kind of “unbelievable disaster” that makes you want to delete the app and maybe even your entire online presence.
13. **The Parent Trap Date**
First dates are usually about getting to know the person sitting across from you, maybe a little awkward banter, some shared laughs, and hopefully, a spark. What they are generally *not* about is meeting the entire family, unannounced, at the dinner table! One anonymous community member’s “normal” first date at a nice restaurant took a sudden, bizarre turn when her date’s parents “run into us.” Yes, you read that right: they *ran into them*.
Except, they didn’t. They sat down, started peppering her with questions about her life, and stayed for the *entire meal*. The sheer audacity and blatant violation of personal boundaries here is mind-boggling. It felt less like a first date and more like a pre-arranged family interrogation. You’d think a grown man could handle a first date without needing his parents as chaperones, or worse, as covert investigators.
After the date (and she still can’t believe she stayed for the whole thing), she asked him if he knew his parents would be there. His response? A casual “yes,” followed by the explanation that “they always liked ensuring he was safe when he met online dates.” This guy was 6’2 and “pretty buff,” so the safety excuse felt flimsy at best, and controlling at worst. Needless to say, there was no second date, and frankly, anyone would be justified in uninstalling an app if it led to such an unbelievably cringe-worthy and intrusive experience.
14. **The Age-Faking, Gaslighting Orphan**
We’ve saved one of the most convoluted and manipulative dating app disasters for last, a story that truly encompasses a horrifying array of red flags. An artist, after matching with a fellow artist on OkCupid, had a “phone date” where he revealed he’d inherited money and a house after his mother died “a while ago.” Fast forward, she checks his website and discovers his actual birth year, realizing he was 60, not 47 as his profile claimed. Her maximum age setting was 50!
When confronted about the age discrepancy, he completely “freaked out,” first explaining he didn’t want to date people his age and had deliberately set it younger. Then, he tried to gaslight her, claiming he’d changed it on OkCupid and incessantly texting her to check. His manipulative tactics didn’t stop there. After she ended things due to the age gap and his deceit, he barraged her with texts, calling her “an awful person.” Clearly, he was an immediate dealbreaker.
But the true depths of his manipulation came a week later when he started texting her again, distraught, claiming “his mom had died, and he was really upset.” She had completely forgotten his earlier revelation, offering condolences and suggesting he reach out to friends. This was met with yet another furious barrage of texts telling her she was “awful.” It was then that she remembered his initial lie about his mother’s death, realizing the sheer, calculated manipulation at play. What a bullet dodged, indeed. This man was a walking disaster, embodying deception, control, and emotional abuse, making a definitive case for hitting that uninstall button and never looking back!
And so, we conclude another journey into the terrifying yet oddly hilarious world of dating apps. From unsolicited messages and bizarrely organized documents to gaslighting and digital stalking, the stories are endless and, frankly, a bit exhausting. It makes you wonder if finding love online is truly worth the emotional rollercoaster. Perhaps it’s time for a digital detox and a return to the old-fashioned way of meeting people – maybe at a coffee shop, or through friends! Until then, swipe wisely, stay safe, and don’t hesitate to uninstall when necessary!
