Ina Garten, the iconic Barefoot Contessa, has been instructing us for decades on how to host dinner parties that will be remembered and how to entertain elegantly and with ease. Her greatest gift is not so much in her gorgeous recipes but in the manner in which she makes everyone feel present guest and host alike feel special and relaxed. While she is best known for her hosting skills, Ina also possesses deep insight as a guest, providing behind-the-scenes expertise to add to the dinner party experience for all concerned. In a recent interview, she divulged her golden guidelines for being a good guest, such as respect for the host’s work and the skill of presenting gifts that bring unadulterated joy. Here are her top tips, all of which are geared up to make you that guest everyone eagerly awaits inviting again.
1. Show Appreciation for the Host’s Effort through Thoughtful Presentation
Ina Garten’s rule number one being a wonderful dinner party guest will surprise you: don’t bring wine and flowers. Automatic reaction to this tip will be that it is ridiculousaren’t these the normal fare at any party? But Ina’s thinking is as sensible as it is sincere. “I think that it’s polite to the person who’s just taken all this time cooking and cleaning and mixing cocktails,” she explains. Having a dinner party is not a small thing. It takes hours of shopping, preparation, cooking, and preparation of sets for a mundane night. It is unwise to present a gift that will further burden the host with work, even accidentally, that may ruin their meticulously organized event.
Ina favors gifts that can be used later by the host with no wish to include it in the night’s scheme. “I always make an effort to include something they can use the day after,” she recommends, giving some examples such as gourmet coffee beans or home-made granola. These considerate touches recognize the work of the host and bestow them with something to enjoy when the party’s over. Picture waking up the day after having hosted and the kitchen still in disarray, but having a bag of gourmet coffee left for you. It’s a modest but thoughtful expression of thanks that doesn’t impose on the agenda of the host.
This is a popular message. TikTok user Michael Kinson posted a gem from his grandmother: “Giving flowers without a vase is giving the host a chore instead of a gift.” Another, Dawhoo, also chimed in to add “really good bagels or homemade muffins and jam” to take with for the host’s breakfast the following morning. These are precisely in keeping with Ina’s idea of giving something that will put people in a good mood without strings.
2. Steer Clear of Immediate Gratification Gifts
Let’s discuss why flowers and wine are issues, but everyone likes them. Imagine this: you show up at a dinner party, bouquet in hand, and your host is frantically running around doing last-minute preparationsgreeting guests, checking the oven, stirring drinks. Placing them in a loose flower bouquet compels them to need to stop, locate a vase, cut stems, and put together the bouquet, all while continuing to get the rest of the evening underway. As Ina summarizes, “Don’t ever bring flowers that aren’t in a vase.” It’s a straightforward but genius insight. A vase already full of flowers? Great. A loose bouquet? A nice task to do for someone.
Wine presents the same problem. A chilled Chardonnay in a bottle can appear to be a promise, yet it can leave the host in an awkward position. She may feel compelled to use it, even though it would not pair well with the dinner she’s been planning for days. “It may not go at all with the dinner,” Ina cautions in her typical bluntness. If you’re allowed to bring wine, she recommends that you explain clearly that it’s for the host to enjoy after the party, and not as part of the party. This minor clarification eliminates any pressure and allows the host to remain firm in their carefully laid out menu.
Ina’s own stories about a “Jell-O salad” illustrate the point. “What are you going to do with that?” she laughs. A dish to eat on the spot can disrupt the host’s carefully planned display, causing a tense moment. Opt for other gifts such as a box of good chocolates or a jar of homemade jamitems the host can savor at their convenience without disrupting the evening’s flow.
3. Adopt the “Next Day” Gift Attitude
So, what *do* you take to a dinner party? Ina’s reply is bracingly direct: something the host can use the following day. Her top picks are homemade granola, a tin of great tea, or a packet of super coffee. These are a result of her awareness of the post PARTY exhaustion that hosts experience. After a night of fun, the very last thing they are going to do is another activity. But a considerate gift that comforts their mornin’ like a tasty breakfast treat is like a hug.
The other cooking experts agree. Martha Stewart, for instance, likes to bring freshly laid eggs from her farm so that the host can use them anytime they want, without having to feel pressured at the time. Similarly, a commenter known as Wolfies Dad suggested sending flowers early with a note that reads, “Looking forward to seeing you.” That way, the host will be able to enjoy the gift without having to rush during the party.
For inspiration, look to something such as well-packaged incense stick set or a set of sun-dried tomatoes prepared with Ina’s love for flavor. They are thoughtful, personal gifts that do not have to reserve a seat at the table. They are expressions of gratitude for the effort that goes into hosting without breaking the bank or sacrificing quality.
4. Use Ina’s Expertise to Elevate Your Guest Game
Ina’s tip is not so much about what *not* to bringit’s about taking an attitude of respect and awareness. Being a fabulous guest is about considering the host’s night and making decisions that add to, not complicate, their evening. That attitude carries over from presents to how you arrive at the PARTY. Show up on time so that you’re not disrupting the host’s plans. Offer a genuine compliment about the meal or ambiance to acknowledge their effort. And if you’re unsure what to bring, ask the host in advance if there’s something specific they’d appreciate.
Ina’s approach also instructs us to keep things simple. A dinner party need not be a lavish affair in order to feel special. As she likes to say, “It can be four people. It doesn’t have to be 12.” This focus on nearness and intimacy also extends to guestsyournearness, thoughtfulness, and attention are what make the evening special.
Final thoughts
By following Ina’s guidance, you’re not just avoiding common guest pitfalls; you’re actively contributing to a joyful, stress-free gathering. Her tips transform the act of guesting into an art form, one that fosters connection and appreciation. So, the next time you’re invited to a dinner party, channel your inner Barefoot Contessa. Skip the wine, don’t spare the loose flowers, and bring a gift that will be like, “I noticed all the work you put in, and thanks.” Not only will you be the life of your host’s night, but you’ll also be the guest they won’t hesitate to invite a second time.
