The modern workplace is changing at lightning speed. More and more women are moving into executive-level jobs than ever before, and the U.S., U.K., Canada, and Australia are all reporting rising percentages of female managers. That’s progress we should applaud. But with it comes the lesser-known, less-spectacular truth: sexual harassment isn’t always a male-on-female act. Women can and do harass men. And men, just like women, can be deeply affected by it.
The numbers don’t lie. The EEOC indicates that nearly 17% of all allegations of sexual harassment brought between 2010 and 2016 were made by men, who harassed women most often. The Workplace Bullying Institute agrees: men are bullied. And here’s the catch most don’t report it. Shame, fear of ridicule, or the attitude that “real men don’t get harassed” keeps them silent. And because society still labels sexual harassment a “woman’s issue,” most men are not even aware when they are being targeted.
This is not finger-pointing. This is knowledge. Most women don’t know that the joking, friendliness, even affection, can sometimes go over the line and become harassment. This article isn’t here to shame anyone. It’s here to help all of us both men and women build workplaces where everyone feels safe, respected, and heard. Let’s explore 14 key myths and behaviors, step by step, with knowledge and openness.
Myth #1: Sexual Harassment is Only a Woman’s Issue
We start with the biggest myth of all: sexual harassment only occurs to women. It’s such a misconception that it affects the way we talk, train, and even legislate regarding workplace safety. But the truth? Men are not excluded. The EEOC, attorneys, and real cases all confirm: sexual harassment can happen to anyone, by anyone. As one legal reference puts it bluntly: “Men aren’t immune. Sexual harassment hurts men, gay men, and bisexual men.”
Key Takeaways of This Myth:
- Men fear being called “not man enough” if they admit to pain
- Most believe “real men” are able to handle it without complaining
- Social stories do not typically include men as victims
- Male-designed support systems’ lack of presence discourages reporting
This myth doesn’t just distort reality it silences male victims. When a man is touched inappropriately, propositioned, or mocked in a sexual way by a female colleague, he may not even label it as harassment. Why? Because he’s been told his whole life that this is a “woman’s problem.” Add in the fear of being seen as weak, or not being believed, and you’ve got a perfect storm of underreporting.
The result? A hidden epidemic. When we think that harassment can travel only one way, we shut our eyes to the entire scenario. And for women, the myth can be dangerous too if you assume only men are capable of harassing, you might miss when you’re making a male colleague uncomfortable. Sensitivity isn’t accusation. It’s noticing the entire picture.
Myth #2: Sexual Harassment Only Happens Between Different Genders
Another big myth? That harassment only counts if it’s man and woman. But not the law and not life either. The legal definition is actually very simple: sexual harassment is about unwanted conduct, not gender combination. As the EEOC explains: “The victim and the harasser can be female, male, or of the same gender.”
Key Insights on This Myth:
- Harassment is defined by impact, not intent
- Gender doesn’t grant immunity from accountability
- Same-gender harassment is legally recognized and common
- Assuming “it’s fine because I’m a woman” creates blind spots
This means a man can harass a woman. A man can harass another man. A woman can harass another woman. It’s not about who, but what is being done and whether it’s welcome. Many women are surprised by this. If you’ve been raised to believe that harassment is a “man vs. woman” situation, you may think your flirtatious remark or lingering touch towards a male co-worker can’t possibly constitute harassment. But it can.
Busting this myth is critical to true workplace equality. It encourages us to hold behavior responsible for its effects, not according to long-standing gender scripts. When women do this, they’re more likely to notice and stop behavior that can leave a man feeling cornered, objectified, or threatened.
Myth #3: Unwanted Sexual Advances and Persistent Date Requests
Harassment usually starts as what might look like flirting. A woman asks a male co-worker out once, twice, five times. She compliments him on his looks, sends flirtatious texts, or makes moves towards physical contact. It feels like chemistry to her. To him? It might be deeply unwanted. The law is different: “Any unwanted sexual advances, sexual favor solicitation, or repeated requests for dates” are harassment.
Key Insights on Persistent Advances:
- A single “no” must be respected immediately
- Politeness is not permission
- Repeated overtures after rejection = harassment
- Flirting is harassment if it’s one-sided
The keyword here is unwelcome. If a man says no verbally, with body language, or by avoiding you and the behavior continues, it’s no longer flirting. It’s harassment. And “no” is a complete sentence. Many women misread politeness as interest or assume persistence will pay off. But in the workplace, consent isn’t a gray area.
Use the Chipotle example: a female manager allegedly propositioned and groped a man at work every time she worked there, even keeping a “scoreboard.” That’s bad but the same principle applies to less egregious cases. A man shouldn’t have to be afraid to come to work because someone won’t take no for an answer. Women, ask yourself: Is this consensual? Has he shown interest? Or am I coercing?
Myth #4: Sexually Charged Comments and Insulting Jokes
We’ve all been in that meeting where someone cracks a “funny” sexual joke. Laughter ripples. But not everyone laughs. Myth #3 says: “Jokes can’t be sexual harassment.” Wrong. The law says: “If comments or conduct are offensive to some, it may be considered sexual harassment even if meant as a joke.” Intent doesn’t erase impact.
Key Insights on Verbal Harassment:
- Humor doesn’t excuse discomfort
- What’s “funny” to you is degrading to someone else
- Sexual jokes all the time erode psychological safety
- Men may laugh along so they won’t be “that guy”
A woman might say a dirty joke, discredit a male co-worker’s sex life, or make a “teasing” comment about his physique. To her, it’s funny. To him, it’s embarrassing. These “jokes” create a hostile workplace in the long run. And an Indian study suggests a perceptual rift: women can observe harassment of themselves but fail to notice how words impact men.
The workplace isn’t a comedy club. It’s where people bring home the bacon. If a man feels embarrassed, belittled, or objectified because of your “humor,” that’s not playful it’s harassment. Women, ask yourself: Would I say this if his mom was in the room?
Myth #5: Unwanted Physical Contact and Groping
Let’s get real: unwanted touching is never acceptable. The Vishakha guidelines count “physical contact” as harassment. In the Chipotle suit, a female supervisor was charged with groping a male coworker every shift. That’s not subtle. But even “minor” touches a hand on the back that stays too long, unwanted hugs, brushing against a person can go too far.
Key Insights on Physical Boundaries:
- Any unwanted touch is harassment
- “Friendliness” does not override “unwelcome”
- Power imbalance makes the pain greater
- Men don’t wish to seem “overreacting”
Touch is mostly seen as supportive or friendly by most women. A pat on the arm, a hug hello. But unless invited, it’s not friendly it’s invading. Men are socialized to “take it,” but that doesn’t translate to comfort. And if the invader is female, the man feels trapped fearing to resist without being called aggressive.
Physical boundaries matter to all of us. Women, if in doubt, ask. A simple “Mind if I hug you?” prevents hurt. And what if he declines? Respect his wishes. No explanation necessary.
Myth #6: Quid Pro Quo Harassment by a Female Supervisor
Other harassment comes at a cost. Quid pro quo “this for that” is when a supervisor makes sexual advances in exchange for job rewards. As Phillips & Associates states: “If your female boss dangles a promotion in exchange for sex, that’s quid pro quo harassment.” With more women in charge, that is becoming a larger threat.
Key Insights on Power-Based Harassment:
- Power makes refusal almost impossible
- Hints and “jokes” about favors still count
- Financial harm is a legal sanction
- Professional sabotage is what the victims dread
Suppose a male employee is informed covertly or overtly that his salary increase, work schedule, or job security is subject to “being nice” to his female boss. He’s stuck. Say no, and face the possibility of retaliation. Say yes, and compromise his dignity. In the Chipotle example, the male victim was demoted and received reduced hours when he complained. That’s textbook retaliation.
Female leaders: your authority is a right, not a tool. Do not use professional outcomes for inspiration. Clarity, integrity, and dignity that’s the way you handle things.
Myth #7: It Only Happened Once, So It Can’t Be Harassment
“He’s blowing it out of proportion it was just a single, isolated remark.” Sound familiar? Myth #5 asserts: “If it happened only once, it’s not harassment.” Not necessarily. One extreme incident a graphic proposition, a brutal touch, an extremely humiliating insult can create a hostile environment. Severity, not frequency, is valued by the law.
Key Takeaways Severity outweighs repetition:
- One occurrence can alter workplace safety
- “It won’t happen again” doesn’t delete trauma
- Legal standards rely on singular events
A woman might make one very inappropriate advance and never make it again. She might even apologize. But the damage is done. That man now jumps when she walks by. He can avoid meetings. A minute can ruin trust. Joining “not a big deal” overlooks the real damage.
Women, don’t minimize. A “one-off” isn’t innocent if it upsets someone. Taking responsibility starts with taking effect even when you didn’t mean to.
Myth #8: Offensive Comments Not About Me Can’t Hurt Me
“She wasn’t talking to me so why do I care?” Myth #6 claims generalized sexist remarks are not deemed harassment. Wrong. The EEOC clarifies: “It is illegal to harass a person by making offensive comments about women or men in general.” Generalized comments create life hostile for everyone.
Key Takeaways on Generalized Comments:
- Generalized sexism still hurts people
- It makes disrespect to a whole group of people seem normal
- Bystanders are victims too
- Accumulative effect erodes team trust
When a woman jokes that “men are all pigs” or “guys can’t commit,” she isn’t necessarily considering one person. But every guy in the room hears it. It eats away at respect. It says: Your gender is a joke. Over time, it creates a culture where men feel belittled.
Women, your words fill the room. Even “jokes” about men as a category can leave male co-workers feeling unsafe or stereotyped. Speak carefully inclusion starts with words.
Myth #9: Sexual Harassment is Just Flirting Gone Wrong
Flirting and harassment get confused to much too often. Myth #7 is that: “It’s just flirting.” There is a difference, however. Flirting is mutual. Harassment isn’t. Mutuality, consent, and equality explain the difference. As one authority states: “Remember ‘no’ is a complete sentence.”
Key Insights on Flirting vs. Harassment:
- Flirting requires active, two-way participation
- One-way pursuit = harassment
- “Shy” is no excuse
- Office romance must be consensual and covert
A woman might think she’s flirting teasing, compliments, offers. But if he’s not reciprocating, withdrawing, or saying no? It’s not flirting. It’s harassment. And in the workplace, power dynamics (like rank or seniority) make it impossible to consent.
Women, listen up: if he’s not smiling, not responding, not making a move end it. Respect his boundaries. Your desires do not override his discomfort.
Myth #10: Sexual Harassment Requires Physical Touch
Everyone believes there must be touch involved. Myth #8 states: “No touch, no harassment.” Wrong. The law includes verbal and non-verbal actions lewd comments, sex sounds, standing in someone’s path suggestively, dirty messages. All are tallied.
Most Important Things on Non-Physical Forms:
- Words and movement can batter as much as endear
- Staring, sounds, and blocking paths are harassment
- Electronic messages (texts, e-mail) are included
- Non-physical harm still impacts mental health
She can never lay her hand on a male co-worker yet harass him hourly innuendoes, leering at his body, “accidentally” bumping into him in the corridors. These create a hostile environment as real as physical attack. Men feel monitored, judged, exposed.
Women, your presence speaks volumes. Notice how you look, how you carry yourself, how you communicate. Professionalism is not in what you say it’s in how you merely are present in shared space.
Myth #11: Only the Direct Target is the Victim
Harassment is not confined to one person. Myth #9 states: “Only the person harassed is the victim.” Not true. Third parties bystanders are victims too. When a woman shares off-color jokes or displays explicit material, all men (and women) who see her are affected.
Key Insights on Bystander Effects:
- Bystanders experience fear, discomfort, and distrust
- Hostile culture affects retention and performance
- Witnesses can complain too
- One act hurts many
Mood is altered. Trust is violated. Everyone goes around on eggshells. A male co-worker might think: If she is doing that to him, what is to stop her from attacking me? The entire team is undermined. Morale decreases. Productivity is affected.
Harassment pervades the whole atmosphere. Women, your behavior doesn’t occur in isolation. What you do to one affects. Consider the whole team.
Myth #12: Sexual Harassment Isn’t a Big Deal
The deadliest myth? “It’s not a big deal.” Crude jokes, “innocent” caresses, sexist comments many brush them aside. But the law says: “Sexist comments and crude jokes are a big deal. They make the workplace hostile and are illegal.”
Key Takeaways on Minimization Risks:
- “Minor” events have significant psychological impact
- Cumulative damage is real and measurable
- Trying to sweep it under the rug makes it okay
- Legal and emotional consequences are serious
These “little” things do make a difference. They chip away at dignity. They make people afraid of work. Harassment research indicates anxiety, depression, and burnout yes, for men too. A man daily ridiculed for his appearance or pressured into dating is not “sensitivity-challenged.” He’s hanging in.
Women, every step counts. A “joke” today creates tomorrow’s problem. Do not minimize it not because a person’s “too sensitive,” but because respect is not optional.
Myth #13: The Perceptual Gap: When Intent and Impact Collide
At the heart of it all? A perception gap. An Indian study found: “Men and women differ in their awareness of what constitutes sexual harassment.” Women are aware of seeing it being done to them but not aware of seeing it when they do it. Some men misread “no” as “yes.” Some fault women’s clothing. Communication breaks down.
Key Insights on Perception Differences:
- Women may overestimate men’s comfort with jokes or touch
- Men may underreport due to stigma or ambiguity
- Cultural scripts distort consent and boundaries
- Open dialogue is the only bridge
This is not intelligence it’s social conditioning. Women may interpret touch as warmth. Men may interpret it as invasion. What is flirting for one is another’s personal hell. And too often, harassment is power, not attraction. One study says: “Desire for power corrupts.”
The remedy? Talk. Listen. Learn. Train everyone not just in regulations, but in compassion. Women leaders: lead clearly. Men: openly speak out. Together we build workplaces where nobody needs to hide.
