The first time I was accused of “overreacting,” I felt slapped. I was expressing a hurt, and immediately, I was doubting my own feelings. That’s gaslighting a word that shot up to Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year in 2022 with a 1740% increase in lookups, driven by “fake news” discourse. Classified as leading someone astray for self-interest, it’s something more than that: it’s an emotional weapon that dissolves your idea of self. Inspired by the 1938 drama Gaslight, in which a husband manipulates his wife into questioning her own sanity, gaslighting is emotional manipulation that causes you to wonder whether reality exists at all. Here’s my take on 14 gaslighting phrases, based on personal experience and expert advice, to assist you in recognizing them and challenging them.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is where someone gets you to question your own senses, as the American Psychological Association defines. It’s described by Dr. Danielle Hairston as making you doubt your assumptions or what’s real, usually to avoid blame or manipulate. I’ve experienced it in intimate relationships, where gentle barbs had me questioning myself. It’s insidious, not easy to catch, and slowly erodes your confidence. Knowing its movesin words and motiveis the beginning of taking back your truth.
1. “You’re Overreacting.”
This one came at me in the midst of a raging argument. I unloaded my pain, and was told I was being too sensitive, as though my feelings were an act. It’s a shutting-down tactic that dismisses your feelings, and sends them to “Unimportant Land.” Your feelings are real. Remember, they’re yours, and no one gets to make them smaller.
2. “You’re Just Being Sensitive.”
“You’re too sensitive,” said a friend when I challenged a mean remark. It seemed like my empathy was a weakness. This is a dismissive phrase for your emotional depth, but sensitivity is a strength. It allows you to connect at deep levels. Own it as a badge, and don’t let anyone dull your light.
3. “It Was Just a Joke.”
A sarcastic comment hurts, and then there’s, “It was just a joke.” I’ve done it, brushed off hurt to not be humourless. This phrase evades responsibility, leaving you wondering why you reacted that way. Authentic humor elevates, doesn’t injure. Establish limits and expect respect your pain is not a joke.
4. “You Always Do This.”
“Always that,” a partner once snapped, making me sound perpetually imperfect. It’s a trap, inflating old errors to catch you in culpability. It diverts attention from the problem, requiring you to justify yourself. Stop, take a breath, and steer back to the current problem. You’re not defined by someone’s overgeneralizations.
5. “You’re Imagining Things.”
When I challenged a broken promise, I received, “You’re imagining things.” My reality seemed to disappear. This saying sows seeds of doubt so that you doubt your memory. Trust your senses your perceptions are real. Be firm in your truth and do not let others re-write it.
6. “Stop Being So Dramatic.”
“Stop being so dramatic,” I was told after I had vented frustration. It minimized my emotions into a soap opera plot. This statement belittles your passion, but emotions are not theatrics they’re color-in-your-life living. Love your intensity; it’s what keeps you alive. Don’t quiet your vibrancy for anyone.
7. “Calm Down.”
“Calm down” is a wet blanket on your emotions. I have been told this when angry, and it has made me feel patronized, as if I was a child. It’s a control mechanism rather than comfort. Your emotions need room to breathe. Breathe in to center yourself, not to shut your mouth.
8. “You’re So Wrong.”
“You’re so wrong,” a colleague once said, shutting down my idea. It wasn’t just disagreement it dismissed my perspective entirely. This phrase invalidates your viewpoint. Hold your ground, invite dialogue, and know your voice matters, even if it differs.
9. “I Never Said That.”
“I never said that” can leave you reading like you’re in a mystery novel, questioning memories that are clear as day. I’ve gone back over conversations after hearing this, second-guessing myself. It’s a form of dodging the bullet. Trust your memory, keep track of conversations, and stand up for your truth.
10. “That’s Not How It Happened.”
“That’s not how it happened” rewrites your reality, like a director changing the script mid-scene. I’ve felt confused when told my memory of an event was off. This phrase controls the narrative. Assert your perspective and seek shared understanding your story is valid.
11. “You’re Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing.”
When I complained, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing” made it seem small. It minimizes what is important to you. Your concerns aren’t unimportant. Hold your head high, aware that your feelings do count, and don’t have dismissal diminish your reality.
12. “Nobody Cares About That.”
“Nobody cares about that” can stifle your passions, like an umbrella in front of your brain. I felt diminished when I was told my interests did not count. Your worries are worth something because they belong to you. State them with pride your voice should ring.
13. “You’re Always So Negative.”
“You’re always so negative” makes you a storm cloud. I’ve been accused of this for speaking about difficulties, but honesty isn’t pessimism. This statement oversimplifies your view. Own your authenticity admitting difficulties is bravery, not negativity.
14. “You’re Imagining Problems.”
“You’re imagining problems” dismisses your concerns as mirages. I’ve doubted real issues after hearing this. It undermines your judgment, but your challenges are valid. Trust your ability to see clearly and seek solutions your reality isn’t an illusion.
Reclaiming Your Reality
Identifying gaslighting is a powerful thing, but only a beginning. I’ve come to trust my intuition when something doesn’t feel right, such as when a condescending phrase makes me question myself. Establish clear boundarieschallenge manipulation in a calm but firm manner. Find allies who affirm your reality, such as a friend who hears you without judgment. Your heart, your memories, and your point of view belong to you, and they’re true. Allow this understanding to be your defense, guarding your peace and reinforcing your true self with every encounter.
